A secret… part I
It was a night like any other night. But this was the last night they could just be themselves.
The air was thick with gossip. The billowing tussle of pleated pants, debutante gowns, they knew the words to every song… it made you feel young again.
The gymnasium floor was shining and squeaking from all the bee bopping and bunny hopping.
The teachers with glasses at the ends of their noses had pursed lips making sure they were all following the rules.
Lacy gloves, punch bowls, a big band sound and a new sound. The electric guitar. It was 1955 and she was dressed in baby blue chiffon. She clicked her handbag closed.
She had a secret, and she was carrying it like it owned her.
Did you see what she’s wearing? The one girl said about another. So catty and small. Didn’t she know her mother made that dress, it was all they could afford.
The guys, all dressed in suits, heavy cologne, practiced charm, and sweaty hands. Their nerves and expectations at the forefront.
Would she dance with me? One of them thought to himself.
They teased each other to make light of the tension. Who would slow dance with whom?
Everywhere she looked reminded her of the secret.
Dancing and more dancing. Powdering noses, holding hands with their best girlfriends.
It’s my song!! Let’s go dance!!
As the night went on, she felt the secret pressing in on her mind. It was heavy and sharp. She could think of nothing else.
She knew something dangerous.
They danced the night away.
Laughter, french fries, milkshakes, high-heels, high-fives, high-speeds, and lipstick, in her dad’s convertible red Ford Custom Deluxe.
Top down. The wind, rushing. Hot, humid Oklahoma summer night air. Curls fell, mascara ran. They didn’t care.
“So and so and so and so are dating, can you believe it?” The same cattiness from the same small girl. Hopefully she’ll soften after high school.
They ignored her and at the tops of their lungs, with the radio blaring, they sang all the lyrics to Blue Suede Shoes.
Breathing in their future and exhaling all they’d known.
It’s too much to carry. I have to tell them.
Past midnight…. maybe this night will never end.
Dark swirls around bursting stars, a cool, warm breeze, closed eyes, stillness.
The secret churning in her guts.
She couldn’t tell them, they wouldn’t understand.
They stayed up all night.
The sun peaked over the diner’s pink and orange neon sign.
Still dancing, heels off, now on asphalt, slowly, hopeful.
The secret, still pressing, still dangerous.
She knew it was time to tell them. She couldn’t carry it any longer.
Her heart was tired of keeping it to herself.
She was also tired of listening to small girl whine about what sweaters she was packing for her sorority pledge.
It was the last time they’d all be together like this, so it was now or not, ever.
What if they don’t understand? What if my confession makes them leave me forever?
This wasn’t the time for praying the rosary. The priest had given her a discerning eye when she’d admitted what she’d done. His disapproval wasn’t helping anything at all.
She clearly had to go it alone.
Oh God. I could vomit.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Oh… I have a chipped fingernail…. She hesitated.
Hey guys, I have something to tell you…
To be continued…